Let me say first that this is not about sexism in life or the workplace. I firmly believe that women should be able to decide what they want and what they choose to do with their lives. Fortunately, in the real world it is likely to be the said woman who decides, by her choices and the way she deals with the sexism she does encounter, how her life and her career progress. I wish I could say she won’t encounter sexism but it is likely she will have to deal with it at some stage.

However my subject today is the kind of thing you choose to do in more private surroundings and the problems they present to the modern male. The pictures are not meant to say anything about the ladies, merely to offer three types of women your modern man may encounter. If they presented these pictures as credentials on meeting there would be no problem. The problem lies in the fact that we are all, when we present ourselves in social situations, unlikely to offer clues as to what we prefer to be in the bedroom.

Men, as a rule, are fairly easy to understand. We have accepted the idea that women have choices in this area, and us men are likely to go along with whatever presents itself sexually unless it is vastly at odds with our own preferences. If a new female friend tries to put him over her knee and spank him and he has no interest in this type of practice he may endure it or he may stop things there and then. In general however he is an adaptable creature, your average male.

But with the ladies the problem starts from the off. You meet her in a pub or restaurant and there will be doors. You will also be sitting down at some point. Hurdles 1 and 2. do you open the doors for her, allow her to go first or whoever is first goes through?. Ever since the early days of women’s lib this has been an issue. I have been berated for this myself. I feel it is bred into me as a 1960’s vintage male but it is a real dilemma. The same is true of seating, you sit down first, the lady sits first or you pull out her chair for her. To some women the latter is a social crime from which there is no returning. Generally though, in this early stage the diners will see what happens and act accordingly. If your date is a woman who sees chivalric actions as sexist she will, in all likelihood, never contact you again. Further social interactions will also further narrow the type of lady you are dealing with. Eventually you decide you are compatible and things move on to the bedroom. Now you can get some idea of what you should expect from conversations, mode of dress etc. Maybe you have seen each other in your home environment where dress offers more clues. You may even have discussed sex, though in the UK that is unlikely. If you are VERY VERY lucky she may leave the odd copy of ’50 shades of Grey’ lying around. If she is not inclined that way it may be a treatise on Gender equality. Her library may consist of cookery books and homemaking literature.

If none of this  is available and the act is looming you are about to enter a minefield. If like myself, you are of the dominant persuasion, your style of foreplay and lovemaking will reflect that. You could attempt a slap or two and guage reaction. It is likely in this instance you may be rebuffed severely at this point. Even if you go with the assumption that the  lady is a ‘Middle of the road’ sort, it is still likely you will be too gentle or too forceful. Let us assume you are with lady no 3 in the pictures, you assume that she likes to take control, as is the case with ladies who dress in power business suits. That is one hell of an assumption and is likely to be wrong too. Who is to say that these women who seem so in control of their world and body do not secretly long for a strong man to relieve them of the stress of that control.

Another problem is that we have been told for many years that women do not want men to act all caveman, that they are our equal in all ways and that it is insulting to treat them as inferior in any way.

Yet along comes Mr Grey, and before that a film called Secretary which first bought BDSM into the public eye. Suddenly a fair proportion of the female population decides that all the teachings of the last 30 years are wrong. Now the bemused male is to reverse his conditioning  and  become an expert Dom. His woman is not happy unless she is being controlled, tied up and spanked regularly.

There are even women who are quite happy to pose in lingerie on social media, many posting these pictures under their husband’s or partner’s account and revelling in the comments received. A few years ago that would be enough to get you lynched.

All this is tongue in cheek but there is no doubt that many women have rediscovered their liking for a dominant male who is chivalrous and kind but prepared to administer a spanking (or worse) if his wishes are not met. It seems many of them were like this all along. Who knew? My wife discovered that she wanted this kind of lifestyle but it was not easy to fit it into our life (We live in a flat for a start!). After a lot of trial and error we  managed to get elements of BDSM into our love life and my lady Bot has always deferred to me in most things. As she puts it ‘I want a man who is not afraid to be a man.’ Happily I seem to fit that description.

It is not always the case. Your average man who has been bought up in a home where the mother is normally the stronger parent and who is taught the equality of the sexes from birth. The father of the family was, in many cases, hen pecked (As we used to call it.) so this idea of the dominant male has always been a little shaky anyway.

I have gone on a little more than I should have about BDSM, mainly because it is the latest fracas in the battle of the sexes. However it is to the point. Men whose parents and grandparents adhered to the idea of the male as head of the family gradually came to think of the sexes as equal, with the mother having the edge power wise. We ended up with a male who deferred to the female in most things for fear of inadvertently questioning her equality in ALL areas of her life including sex. Then along comes MS James and suddenly a lot of the ladies want a man who tells them what he wants from them, is prepared to punish her if she doesn’t provide it and will take her sexually how, when and where HE wants. It may not be 100% like that but you can see why the poor sod is confused.

So, Ladies, if you are starting a new relationship, try to let him know roughly what you want from him. it may involve a little embarrassment but it will save both of you from a lot of embarrassment later on when he finds out that you couldn’t stand 50 shades or that you prefer 10 minutes of lovemaking with a cup of tea afterwards.

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